“The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and the acceptance of love.”
Marianne Williamson
Previously on The Space Between:
As Jonathon’s questions deepen and Annabelle's situation at home becomes more dire by the day, they have once again found themselves face to face with each other.
Annabelle does not know what waits at the end of it. Each time they meet, she feels less anchored to who she was, and more drawn to something she cannot turn away from.
And Jonathan continues to struggle, his internal battle threatening to tear him apart the longer he stays.
But this time, their fear and trepidation is pushed aside by this feeling between them neither can ignore any longer…
Chapter five
I found myself at a loss. Never before had I walked among a dreamer’s dream unveiled. Not like this. Not with such exposition. And though the newfound nakedness of my adventures was startling, it wasn’t just his ability that struck me.
He shaped his dream, molded it to mimic what I had seen the first time I had arrived here. As though he knew it would entice my return. Some might have marked it a snare or a rouse. And I should have been wary.
Yet, for reasons I could not fathom, I harbored no fear of him. And he welcomed me, not to trap me, not to possess me, but to know me.
“I have…questions,” he said.
“Oh.” It was the only word my mouth would utter.
Questions? How would I answer? My world was so small, so infinitely empty. What could anyone possibly wish to know about me?
My throat closed, my mind fluttering in a million different ways. What if whatever he asks I can not answer? What if I say something wrong?
And then it struck, harder than I had ever expected. A jarring thought that I had not considered until this very moment, his eyes boring straight into mine as though he already knew the answer.
I was afraid. But not of him. Not of the fact he could see me or hear me, nor that he was here constructing dreams purely for the hope of my presence. I feared the loss. I barely knew his name, yet I already dreaded his absence. How could this be?
“I-I don’t know if there’s any point in talking about it,” he continued, “I don’t even know if what I’m doing makes sense. Or if anything around me makes sense... God, I’m probably just talking to myself.”
I could see his despair, his frustration. Practically pacing, running his hands through his tousled blonde hair, looking lost.
“Y-You said you have questions?” I took a breath, trying to steady my hands, my whole body braced, tight and trembling.
“How can you be here? I mean... is this even real? Are you real? No, it can’t be...”
I laughed, “Honestly, I’ve been asking myself that for years. The answer? A bit more complicated, I’m afraid.”
“No, a dream can’t talk. It can’t be outside of me. This is crazy. You’re not real, and I’m talking to myself. But... then why do I feel like I’m supposed to find you? I feel like I’ve known you, but I don’t remember where. Or when. I’m going mad. Danny is right, I need to talk to someone. I need to understand all this.”
“You are not going mad. Though, that might be easier to explain. I know it seems that way and I’m sorry I do not know how this came to be, or why you can see me when all others do not. Believe me, this is very new to me as well. But I can at least guarantee you this. I am very real. At least I think so. But, is it not your call I answered? Your dream I stumbled upon?”
“My call. My dream. Well, then, you shouldn’t be here. My dreams can hurt. This isn’t a safe place for you.”
He looked dreary, his expression going dim, hard. So much pain. I became overwhelmed by a desperation to soften him, take away that pain.
“I am sorry I ran away. I’ll admit, I was frightened. But not of you. Never of you. I can not explain it. I should be afraid. Terrified, really. I have walked amongst dreams every night since I was a little girl. Not once has anyone ever seen nor heard me. Forgive me, I can not help but wonder, perhaps I am meant to be here. That you are meant to see me this way. I do not know why. I barely even know your name, yet, somehow, I do know you. Now I sound mad.” I looked down at my feet, my toes digging into the sand. “It is not your dreams which frighten me, sir. On the contrary, they are a rather lightened reprieve. My world is cold, not a pleasant place, I’m afraid.”
“Call me Joe, please. I’m sorry, I don’t really know how to face all this... Annabelle.” Something tugged at me within when his lips uttered my name. “There are so many things I can’t understand. All I know is that you are different from everything I’ve known or met, or even thought before. Why me, why now? I was going to leave London. I was ready to start a new life far away from here. And you came... Why?”
“Wait, you’re in London?” My heart skipped.
“Yes, I am.”
“Oh. I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting—” My words were getting lost, my mind frantic. I knew he could be close, but London? I looked back at him, the fear returning. Leaving? For how long? When? How much time would we have? My mind swirled with questions. So many questions. I panicked, trying to form my next words, my stomach already twinging from the ache I wasn’t prepared for. “Jonathan—Joe, you said you were planning on leaving London. Forgive me, may I ask, when?”
“The day I saw you in my dream the first time... the morning after I was supposed to leave, meant to board a ship as a sailor. But then I saw you, and that held me back. There’s nothing left for me in London. I need to start over. I only came back to find someone, but... she’s gone. Wait, you said your world is not a pleasant place. Where is your world? Where are you?”
“I—” I didn’t know how to answer. If he were to find me, to come up against—No, I did not even wish to imagine it. “London. I’m in London as well. That is all I dare say, I’m sorry.” I wanted him to know I was close. I wanted him to stay. I needed him to stay. I had no answer, no reason other than that. But it was all I could give him. All I could without putting him in danger. “Joe, who was she? The girl you came to find?”
“She made me who I am, for better or worse. I fell in love. It was like a dream, like something my mind refuses to wake from. It was a crazy, impossible love. So I fled, not knowing that you cannot escape yourself. Maybe I’m still there, in a mad mind. And I am a mad man. Now, Annabelle... are you looking at me, or am I only learning how to imagine your eyes? You said you’re real. You said you’re in London. How do I find you?”
“Oh Jonathan, you can not. Please, promise me you will never try and find me. It is far too dangerous for you.”
“No, Annabelle. You said you have walked among dreams since you were a little girl. Not once had anyone ever seen or heard you. But I do. I do. You said you can’t explain it, let’s find a reason. I want to understand. I need it. I need... to know. I’ll find a way to come to you. That’s my promise.”
“Jonathan, you do not understand. My—I’m sorry, I can not—” I turned to run, disappearing as fast as I could back into the tree line, the tears beginning to stream down my face.
I sat straight up in bed, a gasp on my lips, breath hurried, bedding in my fists. “Juliette!”
To be continued…
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Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four